The Heavy Realization

A part of living with CVD, especially CHD, is starting life with the health of an elderly person. The "healthier" you get through medical intervention, the "younger" or more "right" you feel. This frustrating reality is a fact of life. Moving backward to an expected ideal self to propel oneself into a life that may never be meant for you.

Another factor is that being an older person is always losing something. Not necessarily physical objects around the house, such as keys or a favorite cup, although that also happens. No, I mean losing opportunities and expectations for life that could have, should have, would have been yours but were given to another person due to one's poorer health. All the while knowing that one could shake their fists and cry all the "ists" and "isms" to the sky until one was hoarse, it would do no good.

The opportunity was meant for someone healthier than you, and no matter what you do, the heart condition, meant for an older person, will perpetually make one treat you as an older person. As in, nearer to the end of the finish line than someone your age should be.

However, it is important to remember that living in search of, and under the delusion that one could ever have, what is commonly considered "health" is more dangerous than accepting that you could never have it. As one who has climbed mountains, crossed oceans, lived abroad, and seen sights that many with my condition could never have done, I do still live with this faith that someday, if I work hard enough, then it will get easier, and I could someday be having these adventures in a healthy body.

If I were to advise others with this condition, it would be to accept one's condition early on but never let it stop you. Do not live in hope for a better eventual future, but act as you are now and use what you have. Do not have faith in an ideal version of yourself, but rather, in yourself as you are.

Hope is important for the ill, but if it becomes a delusion, it may ultimately make one sicker.

Stay strong and carry on.